Breaking News: "Greek" DNA Analysed!!

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SIR
As an American student of tribal programming, I can assure the world-wide public that the much discussed Greek problems are neither financial nor political. They are genetic.

DNA programming is such that every Greek is committed to two self-evident truths. First, that he alone deserves to be Emperor of the Universe and, second, that out of sheer envy, everyone else conspires to prevent him from assuming his rightful position.

The above conviction makes all Greek societies initially dysfunctional and eventually chaotic. In the Fifth Century BC, after the Greeks managed to keep Iran out of Europe, they launched a civil war that destroyed both Athens and Sparta. In the Sixth and Seventh Centuries AD, shortly after the Romans presented the Greeks with an Empire, the recipients launched a series of civil wars which led to the capture of Constantinoupolis by the Latins in 1204 AD and then to the fall of the Byzantine Empire to the Ottomans in 1453 AD. In the 1820s AD, while fighting their Independence War against the Ottomans, the Greeks, true to their genetic programming, also fought not one but two civil wars over a question that resonates loud and clear today. Namely, who will get his hands on the proceeds of the first international loan secured by the embattled state.

The European Union insists that ailing Greece must institute fiscal discipline, transparency, accountability and an independent Statistical Service that won't fiddle the books. To Greek ears this is pointless blather. In his heart, every Greek wants the EU to concede the self-evident. Specifically, that every single Greek deserves to be Emperor of the Universe. This being given, the EU is duty bound to keep the tribe of Emperors in the life-style to which they've been accustomed.

If the EU fails to perform its duty, it will confirm what every Greek has always known: that everyone who is not a Greek is a barbarian, and that all barbarians envy the Chosen People.

Basil Coukis
(appeared in the Wall Street Journal, here)